Time won’t stop for me, but sometimes I wish it would

বিজ্ঞাপন

“Another day passed, and I wish time were a bit slower today.” This is the line I always say in my head as the moon replaces the sun, coloring the sky with black and tiny whites from the stars. I wish time weren’t moving this quickly one second you’re doing high school assignments, and the next you’re already in college. I wish I could go back to those times when the future still excited me, because now, it’s the very thing that scares me the most.

Each day feels like a wasted page torn from my book whether it’s blank or filled with only a few words. Another day, another wasted page. How does a day end without me doing something I feel accomplished for? Why do I always feel like I’m running out of time? Twenty-four hours once seemed long, but now they’re too short for someone who wants to do everything, yet always ends up doing nothing.

Is this unproductiveness? Is this laziness? Or is this burnout? But I barely do anything. How can I be tired from doing so little or even nothing? How can my desire to do everything not align with the actions I’m actually taking? How does my productivity only last for a day or two, and then the next I find myself stuck again in the same loop  feeling like the useless person I think I am?

How do others seem to have everything all figured out, while I’m here, unsure of what I’m even supposed to be doing? Their lives seem to be moving forward, making progress, and getting closer to their goals, while I’m just watching life move past me, envying those who live rather than survive. To live how does one do that?

I want to wake up and make the most of the day, to have enough energy to do the things on my to-do list. Each day feels so short, but perhaps when you truly make the most of it, it can be enough. I want to be the one in control of my time, not the one chasing after it. I want to stop just watching the hands of the clock pass each number. I want the day to end feeling proud, not guilty. But I know that just wanting is not enough without doing, it means nothing.

Despite all these wants, I still find myself stuck in the same place, in the same situation. Maybe if not today, then tomorrow tomorrow I’ll try again. But it always gets pushed to the next day, until I realize I’m already behind on the things I once wanted to do. When? When will the things I set for tomorrow finally happen today?

I wish for time to stop, but I know it never will. After all, it’s up to me to make the most out of these twenty-four hours. It’s all in my hands how I write the beginning and ending of the day. But if the things I have to do today keep getting pushed to tomorrow, I’ll end up waking one day and realizing how much has already slipped away.

Perhaps, instead of wishing for time to stop, I should shift my focus to simply doing it, rather than waiting for the “right” time that never really came. Doing it even if I’m scared of how things will turn out. Like they say, “trust the process.” And when that time comes, I hope everything eventually falls into the right place.

Source: Medium/klywrites ᥫ

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