When will it be my turn? I’m tired of waiting

বিজ্ঞাপন

It feels like life has forgotten about me

Lately, I’m asking myself: why is everyone else’s life moving while mine stays still? It feels like I’m the only one who’s waiting for life to begin.

“You’re not late. You’re not left behind. You’re not lost. You’re exactly where you meant to be.”

I’ve been telling myself these words whenever I feel like everyone’s moving forward except me. Like a mantra, I keep reminding myself that this version of my life now is here for a reason. That this is where I am to be, that my life is not a mistake.

I always hold on to things that are called ‘faith and patience.’ I tell myself to believe and to be patient, that these things that happen in my life will lead me somewhere. It’s not a punishment, nor is God turning its back on me when things don’t go as I planned. It’s just how life is supposed to be; that’s only to be understood when you look back.

But to be honest, there’s a time when it’s so hard to keep that faith. It’s so hard to stay believing that everything will make sense someday at the right time. Sometimes, there is a moment when I want to scream that I’m kind of tired of being patient. I’m tired of waiting and keep believing that ‘everything will eventually fall into place.’

Sometimes, when I look around and see everyone starting a new life, getting what they want, and even things I’ve begged so hard to happen in my life, I’d end up doubting everything again. There would be so many thoughts in my mind, and the pressure of figuring out where my life is going.

I start to wonder if life has forgotten about me, because it feels like the world is moving forward while I’m standing still. I mean, I’ve been praying and trusting, but I’m still wondering. I quietly ask myself, Why am I the only one not moving? When will life start to move for me, too? When will it finally be my turn?

I try to silence it, to trust the right times. But when things fall apart, when plans slip away, and when the future feels uncertain and more blurry, I’m starting to look for evidence whether I’m on the right path or I’m completely lost my way, drifting further away.

I don’t know, it’s just strange for me. Because deep down, there’s still a small, stubborn feeling I call “Hope” that I want to believe in. Even with doubts, this ‘hope’ makes me want to have faith that ‘I’m exactly where I meant to be.’ I want to believe that my time will come too.

And maybe all I need to do is be more patient, to wait a little longer, because all these things that don’t make sense now are all still part of my story. They are not meaningless, and it doesn’t happen by accident. It all has purpose, and it is meant to happen to shape me, to teach me into someone I’ll understand later.

I'm supposed to be here, in this version of life, to prepare myself for something I cannot see yet. And at the end of the day, everything will eventually fall into place.

And maybe, the waiting will be worth it.

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