All I ask is to be seen before I completely disappear

বিজ্ঞাপন

What is the difference between living and existing?

How do you answer a question like that… when it’s been too long since you truly lived, and even longer since you merely existed?

Maybe others could offer long phrases, motivational paragraphs, and hope-filled words. But I guess that’s not my branding anymore. Hope doesn’t come naturally to me now. It’s like a second language I’ve forgotten how to speak.

The only answer I can give… is silence.

No matter how good I am with words, silence is the only thing I can offer because I don’t think the world will ever be ready to hear everything I’ve never been allowed to say out loud.

I died years ago. And I’ve stopped existing for as long as I can remember. Now I feel like I’m just a soul left behind by its body. Roaming. Wandering. A shadow among the living. A ghost inside a house no longer called home.

I’ve said it so many times that I feel like every pair of eyes sees right through me. Not in the loving way, where someone sees the truth in me…But in the kind of way where they don’t see me at all.

Like the way people look through glass. And that’s what’s happening now… again. No — still.

It never really stopped. And it feels like it was destined to be like this forever.

But beneath the silence, there is still an answer only my mind could hear. The difference between living and existing?

It’s that I want to live… but I don’t want to exist anymore.

I want to live with no one knowing my name. I want to live like this — unknown. People seeing right through me, and me… just living in the silence.

Not in the haunting silence, but in the silence that peace gives.

I want a kind of living that feels like softness, a kind of life that doesn’t feel like a battlefield. Where I am not always fighting for space, for breath, for worth.

I don’t want to exist in a world that constantly sees my failures but never my wins. I don’t want to exist in a world that only cares for me when I’m inches away from stopping my breath.

I don’t want to exist in a world that only holds me when I’m on the verge of letting go… not because I’m worthy of being held, but because they fear the guilt of losing me.

I want to be held without falling first. Loved without breaking first.

Existing feels like punishment. Living… feels like a dream.

All I ever wanted was for someone to notice I was fading, not when I’m already gone, but while I’m still quietly trying to stay.

Because staying hurts too, especially when it feels like no one would notice if you didn’t.

Source: Medium/Vina amoris

এই রকম আরও তথ্য পেতে আমাদের ফেসবুক পেজে লাইক দিয়ে যুক্ত থাকুন। এর পাশাপাশি গুগল নিউজে আমাদের ফলো করুন।