it’s okay for me to learn how to be loved

বিজ্ঞাপন

Now I allow love to become part of me.

Love

Over the past few days, I’ve been reading a book called The Mountain Is You by Brianna Wiest. Basically, this book helps us break our limiting beliefs, stop self-sabotaging, and let go of all the things that keep us from becoming our true selves. I came across an idea in the book that says: when we’re afraid of something—like being a passenger in a car it’s not always about the thing itself.

Sometimes, it’s the fear of losing control or fear of moving forward. In my case, I’m afraid of being loved. I tend to resist the idea that someone could truly love me. I keep sabotaging myself, using coping mechanisms to protect myself from being hurt. Because as humans, we fear the unknown and the unfamiliar. We keep searching for what feels “normal” and “safe” to us. This is the issue I need to overcome. Every time someone clearly shows that they like me, I’ll pretend I already have a boyfriend. Sometimes, I even use my K-pop idol as a coping mechanism so I don’t have to deal with real love.

From that, I realized: I’m not only afraid of being loved. I’m afraid of losing control over myself. I’m afraid of not being worthy. I’m afraid of being hurt if the relationship doesn’t work out.

Brianna Wiest wrote: We often resist most deeply the things that we want the most. And I deeply want to feel loved by someone. But the fear runs just as deep. So now, I’m learning to let love into my life without resisting it and without thinking I don’t deserve it. Sometimes, it’s not that we don’t want something. We’re just afraid we’re not good enough for it. 

We’re afraid to lose it once we finally have it. Reading this book helped me reflect, especially with the help of ChatGPT. I’ve heard so many things before from videos about self-improvement and healing trauma but I didn’t fully understand them.

Now, things are starting to make sense. I’m starting to connect the dots, and more importantly, I’m learning how to apply these insights to my life. I’ve also come to realize that some of my old traits no longer match who I’ve become—especially now that I’ve made efforts to heal from the traumas and emotions I never allowed myself to feel before.

For example: 

👉 I can no longer sacrifice myself for others, because when I do, I lose myself. But when I don’t, I feel peace.
👉 I can’t prioritize others over myself anymore. Every time I do, I suffer inside. But when I choose myself, I feel free.
👉 I can no longer be the kind of person who always feels guilty or apologetic when I get something I truly want.

Like that time back in high school when I got first place in class I felt guilty because I thought I took that spot from my friend. When we stood in front of the field with our parents, I wanted to apologize to her mother, but I didn’t.

Now I realize: If we feel the need to apologize for what we want or what we’ve earned, maybe we’re still afraid to own our worth. I once heard someone say: “If you apologize for what you want or what you achieve, you’re being a coward.” And honestly, ever since I stopped carrying other people’s feelings as if they were mine... Ever since I stopped treating other people’s problems like they were my responsibility... I’ve felt more calm, more peaceful, and less hurt by things that used to break me.

From now on, I’m learning to let in all the things I’ve previously pushed away Whether it’s love, friendship, or other good things. I’m allowing them to come into my life.

Because by doing that, I can become a better person More open, more grounded, and more mature. Because every single day, I’m growing into someone better than I was yesterday.

এই রকম আরও তথ্য পেতে আমাদের ফেসবুক পেজে লাইক দিয়ে যুক্ত থাকুন। এর পাশাপাশি গুগল নিউজে আমাদের ফলো করুন।