Maybe what you’re thinking about love is not what love truly is.

বিজ্ঞাপন

The truth I learned the hard way

Yesterday, my sister told me something so casually, not a lesson, not advice, but that hit me at the right point, like, you know, the moment when something is so painfully relatable that your mind stops arguing back and it just starts to show you memories, flashbacks, and moments you thought were buried, and suddenly it comes up as evidence.

It was not loud; it was actually a quiet realization.

I didn’t reply for a minute; I was quiet because maybe what I thought about love is not love at all.

I was actually scared to know because what if what I received, what I trusted and accepted as love, is just an attraction in disguise? That will hurt me more than any goodbye tbh.

And what if what I thought I felt about someone, what I believe so honestly is love, is also just an attraction? It’s too scary to know.

I was just listening to her, and next she said that “you know, when you feel nervous around someone, and when you constantly worry about how you appear to them, and you catch yourself acting differently than who you are.  It’s an attraction, not love.”

And suddenly so many memories made sense.

I realized that social media has really affected the definition of love. We thought love is when our heartbeat starts to beat fast when we see someone, that nervousness, the effort to look impressive around them.  It is not love.

Don’t you think love should make us feel safe to be who we truly are, to be messy, to be raw, and to be unfiltered with them?

I realized, as she said, that love feels calm; it feels like home, safe, raw, and comfortable. It doesn’t feel like performing; it feels like showing what you truly are and feeling safe to do that.

It makes sense, because when you truly love someone, or someone truly loves you. You feel safe around them; your heart doesn’t speed up, it actually slows down. Your voice doesn’t shake when talking with that one person, but you feel like sharing every detail of your life with them. You don’t only speak about your wins to look attractive, but you share those scars, those unhealed wounds you kept covered from the world.

And attraction makes you perform; you act differently, and you try to look different just to be liked by that one person. It makes you feel nervous, and your heartbeat races, not because you feel safe, but actually because you feel unsure. It makes you overthink every sentence and every silence.

I wish someone had told me earlier that butterflies are not always about love, but sometimes it’s a signal that your body gives you to walk away, or it’s a fear of not being enough. It’s not always a sign of love. (What do you think?)

Yesterday, I didn’t just learn about love, but it also changed how I see love.

We all have different definitions and different ways to see love. But I think what is common or what should be common is that whenever love arrives, it should feel safe, it should accept us as we truly are, it should sit beside our raw self, and it should know how to stay when things are not perfect.

Because in attraction we just try to look perfect, but love is not perfect; it’s messy. Sometimes it’s complicated because it’s raw and it’s pure. I think that makes it beautiful and real.

Now as I look, maybe what I thought was love is just an attraction.

Source: Medium/Arya

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